- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

- There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

- Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

- Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

- Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

- Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

- Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

- Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

- Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

- When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.

- Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

- When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he does not push himslef up... he pushes the earth down.

- Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling "Bang!".

- In fine print on the last page of The Guinness book of World Records, it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

- When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming "Law and Order" are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

- Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. EVER!



I'm the best, coolest, sexiest & hotest say anything else and i'll pewpew you with my lasergun, kthxbye.

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