The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her
Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as
"Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil
servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less
letter.


There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.


In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben
a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e"s in the language is
disgraseful, and they should go away.


By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of
kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.


After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be
no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand
ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze
world!


Beware the germans!


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